A Right Way to Use It
by Lindoreda
Summary: ‘Thank Naminé’, Sora had written. Those words were the only proof he had of his misadventures in Castle Oblivion. The only proof in his heart that I’d existed there. But he’ll never thank me. He won’t know who to thank.


AN: My second oneshot, focusing on Naminé this time. No, she is not crazy. This one is a lot more chain of consciousness, or at least the beginning is. I'm experimenting with different first person styles. ^^'

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I promise you.

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Scratch scratch scritch.

Scritch. Squeeeeeaak.

Scritch scratch scritch.

_Breathe in. Breathe out. Focus on the memories. Switch colors. Wrong color. Finish the face, and…_

"Why isn't it working?" I begged desperately of the empty air. "No matter what I do, they aren't coming back…"

_Crumple. Toss. Goodbye, 50__th__ sheet of the same thing. Thanks for nothing._

_Okay. What color for Kairi's hair? Pink? Like him. Like Marluxia._

"If not for him, I wouldn't be having this problem!" I cried, throwing the pink pastel to the floor.

_Red. Red and brown for Kairi's hair. Red, like fire. Like Axel._

"I drew the wrong thing," I murmured, surprised at the result. I couldn't throw the drawing away, since it turned out better than the planned ones, so I hung it on the wall, next to the window.

Okay. Ignore Kairi. She'll be the hardest for him to remember. What's something easy?

"Having trouble?" Riku asked, leaning on the doorframe. _Strange. I didn't hear him come in._

"A little," I admitted. "I've never put memories back the way they were before."

"Isn't it the same as what you did before?"

"Maybe it's supposed to be. But I don't know. It'll probably go a lot quicker once I've made some initial progress," I explained.

"Maybe something is interfering," Riku offered.

"It's possible. No matter how many times I chain together the memories, they just come apart again. It's definitely weird. His memories weren't that hard to change; why should they be so hard to change back?" I wondered aloud.

_Or maybe, you just don't want Sora to forget you_, Marluxia's voice taunted in the back of my mind. _Maybe you'd rather keep him all to yourself, red headed witch be damned._

I didn't want to talk back to the voice until Riku left, so I pretended to start and stop drawing, adopting a look of frustration.

"Are you okay?" Riku asked, concerned.

"I'm fine," I replied with a smile. "But it's more difficult to focus with another person around. Could you…?"

Riku nodded with a look of understanding and left.

_Don't want him to think you're crazy, do you? Well, it makes sense. What kind of Nobody has imaginary friends? _Marluxia laughed.

"You're hardly a friend," I muttered through gritted teeth. "More like a personification of my insecurities."

A wicked feminine laugh rang out, causing me to flinch.

_Only people with feelings can feel insecure. You're probably just crazy_. Larxene laughed again.

"Or lonely," I whispered.

They both laughed. I cringed and started drawing again. They were probably right. No one could be so lonely that they would recreate their chief oppressors. As for my insecurities, no one would believe that I had them. "Nobodies can't feel", "it's all a ruse", and all that. _But, when you don't have any memories, and are suddenly born into the world, alone, wouldn't anyone have fears and doubts? Wouldn't the chief instigators of those doubts be appropriate voices for them?_

_How foolish you are._

_We know better than anyone: Nobodies can't become somebody._

_You're crazy, not insecure._

"That's not right," I whispered. "I'm not trying to fool anyone. I don't remember having feelings. I really do have fears and doubts."

_But not a conscience._

"I do have a conscience," I insisted. "You've got nothing on me. Maybe there isn't a right way to use my powers, but if there is, I'm sure that I'm doing that right now."

_But you must get something out of it, right?_ The voice had morphed from Marluxia and Larxene into Axel. _Something of value._

"True," I admitted. "I do get something valuable from restoring Sora's memories."

_I thought so_, Axel proclaimed, sounding satisfied. _But is it valuable enough?_

"I don't know." I gazed out the window at Twilight Town, unconsciously drawing the clock tower. "But I get something that other Nobodies know nothing about: the feeling that I have righted a wrong."

_Pfft._

"What?"

_You're pretty sappy for someone without a heart_.

"I know," I murmured. "But using my powers for something good… I think it should be a powerful feeling."

'_Should be?' 'Feeling?'_

"You know what I mean, don't you?"

_You'd like that, wouldn't you?_

"Yeah," I sighed. "I guess I would."

_Try to have more confidence. Don't doubt a feeling._

I smiled a little, and went back to working on restoring Sora's memories. _Red for Kairi. The first thing Sora saw when he woke up. Blue for the sky. And Kairi's eyes. Silver, yellow and blue for Riku. White sand._ I sighed.

"No wonder I'm so lonely," I muttered. "All I ever do is draw other people's memories, other people's lives. And that's never going to change."

Scritch. Scratch scritch.

Scratch. _Crumple, toss._

Scritch scritch. Squeeeeak.

Brown and green for trees. Blue and green for Riku's eyes. Red, black, blue and yellow for Sora's clothes. Brown for his hair… 'Thank Naminé', Sora had written. Those words were the only proof he had of his misadventures in Castle Oblivion. The only proof in his heart that I'd existed there. _But he'll never thank me. He won't know who to thank._

My latest drawing smeared. First Kairi's face was obliterated by a water droplet, then Sora's. Soon, the colors were all that remained.

_Don't cry, Naminé. Nobodies don't cry_. The voice wasn't familiar.

"Nobodies can't cry," I replied thickly.

_Then what's happening right now?_

"Water is coming out of my eyes."

_Because…?_

I didn't want to admit it, because admitting it would be giving up. It would be admitting that I was like them, the ones who imprisoned and used me. But I guess it couldn't be helped. I am like them, after all. We have the same desire.

"I want to be real," I sobbed.

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AN: And that was my attempt to explain why Naminé went willingly into Kairi. Review and be loved. ^^


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